Why I Listen to Sports Talk Radio.

No matter where you go in the English speaking world, you can find talk radio. I have gotten used to sleeping with it on, driving with it on, working with it on. For years and years I listen to political talk radio and as any American knows, if you listen to political talk radio in the U.S., you're listening to the right wing version of the situation. I had no problem with this. It comes under the heading of knowing your advesary. Most of the time where there was something crazy said, I knew it was satirical and took it as such. Part of the Limbaugh experience (and I'll deny I said something nice about the idiot if pressed) was his wit and satirical commentary. But times have changed.

The more I listened to talk radio, the more strident and over the top the commentary became. It was so bad during the Lewinsky scandal, that I was sure that any day, they were going to accuse President Clinton of kidnapping the Linbergh baby. (I'm sure that Ken Starr has already looked into the connection of the Clinton's to that case already.) It doesn't border the ridiculous, its created a permanent camp there. Last time I heard, it was thinking about settling in and raising a family. The more I listened to the fanatics distort history the more I felt like the biblical hero, seeking at least ONE honest man. The fact that they treated the truth of history worse than Hitler doesn't scare me. It is the reaction of the normal member of the herd that frightens me. They call in to agree with all of the deceit, buying in to the idiocy. Since when did college dropouts become experts in World History, Economics, Religion, etc. Come on!!!! Glenn Beck lasted less tyan a year in college and he's giving commentary on the affectiveness of foriegn policy?!!!! Give me a break!!

So, why do I listen sports talk radio now instead of the political? To protect my fellow inhabitants of the planet from a blind full on rage brought on by listening to false prophets preach their doctrine using lies and half-truths to lead the weak pathetic American herd. Besides, baseball calms the soul and cleanses the mind.

Why Johnny Can't Read!

Lets talk about the real reason Johnny (and Jill) can't read. I can speak with authority from both sides of the fence. In my first couple of years in school, I was a very poor (back then they called it slow) reader. For some reason I just didn't seem to get it. Did my parents immediately start to blame the teacher for my lack of reading ability? No, they didn't. They set to work trying to fix the problem. Just about every adult I came into contact with on a constant basis was enlisted to make me read for them. I read for my aunts when I was at their homes. I read for the cousin who babysat me after school. I read for my parents anytime they weren't working. My father bought me extra books for home and over the next few years WITHOUT the state stepping in, I was taught to become a better reader. At no time were the schools blamed for my lack of ability.

So whets the difference today? Just about every year I do a little poll of my students. I guess you could call it a readers poll. I ask several questions. How many of your parents take a daily newspaper (my dad actually took two)? How many of your homes contain news magazines like Time or Newsweek? How many of your homes have more than fifty books?

Are you getting the picture here? We have become on the whole a non-reading society. You don't get our news from the newspaper anymore, we get misinformed by FOX News. You don't look at issues in depth anymore..........Attention spans aren't long enough. It is no wonder that our children cannot read. They have no example. AND when you find out that they are trouble, we immediately look to the overwhelmed teacher (who has your slow reading child and 20 others to deal with) to solve the problem. You scream to your legislators about the state of the schools who are putting out illiterates. The legislators, who are the last ones who need to solve any societal problem, figure that testing the illiterates and then blaming the teachers will solve the problem. Let me help you out people, that is not the solution.

The solution is for you, mom and dad, to MOVE YOUR FAT ASS OFF THE COUCH, TURN OFF THE TV AND PREPARE YOUR CHILD TO LEARN TO READ!!!!! Read to them when they're infants, give them picture books, have them pretend to read to you, turn off the cartoons and video games long enough for them to put a book in front of their face, and finally, pick up a book yourself so that they can see you read just for the joy of learning. That way, when they get to school they will have the tools they need to be successful. There is no reason whatsoever that I should be seeing otherwise normal students in a freshmen class reading on a third grade level.

Stop blaming the system for your own lazy ineptitude

Waitin' On A Betta' Dawg

Here is another simplified little bit of truth for you voting idiots otherwise known as the American public.

Let me pose a "Lets say." Let's say that you lived in a relatively safe neighborhood, in a city where there were a few crazies that you never actually saw. Because you are so afraid of what the crazies MIGHT do, you decide to buy a dog for protection. When you get to the pet shop, the owner of the shop tells you that you can have a perfect dog. a dog that has been trained to tell the difference between friends and any would be burglar. Once the dog has ascertained that something is wrong, it has been trained to rip to pieces any stouthearted burglar fool hearty enough to try jumping over your fence. You are amazed, and you decide that you just must have one of these wonder dogs. But, you are a little bit cautious, knowing that it is the owner's job to puff up his product, so you ask for a few demonstrations. The owner sets up a demonstration for you the next day. Bringing the dog to your house, the pet owner releases the dog into your back yard, where he then prowls anxiously. All of a sudden a dummy comes flying over the back fence, making your wife scream and your children run to their room in terror. The dog charges, and soon, your finely manicured lawn (which you had just had cut and groomed) is covered in dummy stuffing. You curse the pet shop owner, but you're totally impressed with the dog. You ask the owner if the dog will do that every time. He does not quite meet your gaze, but says that the dog IS highly trained. But you are wary (smart man), so you ask him to repeat the demonstration tomorrow. Sure enough, the owner shows up the next day with the dog. Once again the owner releases the dog into your backyard, where the dog falls immediately to sleep. At this point you get a little concerned, but the owner assures you that the dog is still aware of its surroundings. In flies the dummy arcing high over the wall, landing right beside the dog. Nothing....., nada..... not a hair moves, he remains completely, totally, fast asleep. The owner goes outside and nudges the dog, nothing, fast asleep. Finally the owner picks up the dog and carries him out of the house promising that he would return tomorrow with the dog back in his old form to prove that this was a fluke. Day three dawns with the wife laughing at you for even still considering the idea of buying your "wonder dog", but as promised, the pet shop owner shows up with your future protection proudly in tow. He releases the dog into your backyard, and once again, the dog prowls anxiously, but then quickly falls fast asleep. This time YOU go out and kick the dog, but the dog remains as before, unconscious. As the pet shop owner leaves, counting his money. Your wife starts throwing things at your head.

Now tell me, what is your name (pssssssst........ans. George "Dubya" Bush).George W. Bush is putting his dog in our backyard, and its job is supposed to be protecting us from the "rogue" elements in our neighborhood. Just in case they decide to lob something mean and spiteful our way, that dog is supposed to jump it and rip the stuffing out of it. The name of that dog is the National Missile Defense System. There is only one problem. This dog has been really tested four times, and three of those times, it has been fast asleep. Now, being a teacher, I have a passing acquaintance with averages. If at the end of the semester a student has an average of twenty-five percent, I know what he has as letter grade. I know most of you have short memory spans, but I will bet that even the dimmest of you can remember what you received when your average was below fifty. You received an F. That F stood for FAIL. I do not know about you, but if I buy a dog for protection, that bastard better rip my MOTHER apart if she jumps my fence at night. And being asleep three-quarters of the time is not a good enough batting average for me to trust that dog.Say Dubya!!!!! I reckons you got a bit of a problem with straight thankin', but shouldn't we oughta be a waitin' on a betta dawg? (Translated into Texan for his better understanding)

Short History Lesson For You Gun Totin' Idiots

Once more there is gun violence in an American school and the gun idiots are quick to drag out their time-honored defense for the millions of guns being in the hands of every idiot that wants one. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Come on give me a break! Ask yourself a question, "If the Columbine Two had been carrying switchblades, would we have had the carnage in Colorado two years ago?" But I digress. Let's get to the heart of the matter. Do you, as a regular American imbecile, have the right to own a gun? If you listen to the mouthpieces at the National Rifle Association, not only do you have the right to own a gun, but also you should probably have the right to possess your own personal nuclear device. Too bad this little bit of home knowledge has absolutely nothing to do with a true reading of the U.S. Constitution. Let's take a look at what the Constitution actually says.

Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States:

A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Okay, take a pause, read it slowly. What does it actually state? (I know that all of your life you have only heard the last two clauses, "the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." And that is all the NRA wants you to read.) However, now that you have actually read the entire amendment, what does it actually mean and why is it worded in such a way? (Hint idiots, this is the history lesson that you were told was coming.) At the time of the writing of the Constitution, the United States did not have a standing army. In fact, not until after World War II did we actually keep an army of real size. Because of this neat little fact, anytime we were faced with war, we had to depend on the state militias. (Key phrase there mindless ones, state militias, if you do not understand that, it means that the state has control.) As part of the state militia, a man had to supply HIS own weapon. Thus, it was N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y for each man to possess his own weapon. (Plus, most men hunted their own food, and they needed that single-shot musket for protection since there was very little law enforcement, etc, etc). I know that was pretty fast for some of you but think about it really hard. Got it; then let's proceed to why you do not get that RIGHT of possession.

I will make this is as simple as possible, since I know that most of you find it hard to grasp complex arguments (I know this, because I see your offspring, and the fruit does not fall too far from the tree).

1.We no longer need a well-regulated militia made up of our entire male population as we have the second largest military on the damn planet. Besides, I cannot remember the last time that the government called Joe Bubba and told him to show up with his hunting rifle to help defend the country.

2.Ahem, corner grocery stores have meat departments. 'Nuff (northerners please read "enough") said.

3.And finally, the last time I looked, we are one of the most policed nations in the world. They even catch criminals occasionally.

All of that being said, I believe that should be proof positive that the only reason that every idiot that wants a gun can still get one, is the fact that we have a government led by men with feet of clay. Not a single one of them is willing to stand up and say what desperately needs to be said. The second amendment to the Constitution of the United States is obsolete. Let me spell that for you OBSOLETE! (For you third grade reading levels out there, that means that it is outdated, meaningless, and it should not be looked to as the law of the land since it no longer serves any purpose, other than to supply weapons to fifteen year olds, mentally disturbed adolescents, giving them the means to destroy the lives of those around them.)

Come on people, wake up, inform yourselves, and make your idiot congressman earn your tax dollars!

The Reason for the Vitriol

Let us get one thing straight from the very beginning. I find my opinions very logical and cannot see why other people cannot deal with a linear thought process. I have come to the absolutely logical conclusion that Rush Limbaugh is right about ninety-five percent of the American people, but he gives the idiots of America more credit than I. (Do not get me wrong, that is the only thing on which he and I agree. I count him as the king of the idiots.) After forty years of consideration, it is my not so humble opinion, that the vast majority of the American people are incurably stupid. (It is no wonder that American students cannot find themselves on a world map without the lines, stupidity begets stupidity.) This inane "dumbness" is the reason that no one in their right mind would run for office in the media-driven elections that we have in the United States today.

The only things that the American public can digest are the thirty-second sound bytes aimed at the lowest common denominator in society. The herd of cattle passing itself off as the American public cannot understand any person with real ideas. Thus, we are left with demagogues and their staid platitudes. So every four years we are asked to choose between the lesser of two (sometimes three) party puppets. All this leaves us is a country of idiots, governed by a bureaucracy of idiots.

It amazes me that the people of the United States have achieved the highest level of economic, political, and military power in the civilized world. The only thing that I can attribute it to be is the "Forrest Gump Effect," either that, or someone mistranslated the sermon on the mount, and what it should have said is that the "stupid" shall inherit the earth. Now that would start to explain everything. (Amazingly enough, in my travels around the world, I have not found that much intelligent life anywhere else.)

This page is going to be my way of venting the frustration that five percent of us feel twenty-four hours a day. So the plan is to put my frustrations into words, send them out into the cyberspace, and hope that there are kindred spirits out there that understand the call to join in the struggle to reeducate Americans to their civic duty to shrug off their ignorance and join us on the barricades against the imbecilic majority. (For those of you that do not get this, do us all a favor, when they ask you at the DMV if you would like to register to vote, say NO!!!! Save those of us residing outside the borders of Idiot Central the embarrassment of explaining to our non-American friends your stupidity at the polls.)